So this is when it gets hard

It will officially be one week tomorrow that I had my double mastectomy.  I knew there would be waves of sadness and other emotions, and I've been getting pummeled with them today.  Lots of tears and sadness. I miss having energy.  I miss picking Alice up.  I miss my body the way it used to be.  I'm sad that Lark is afraid of my drains and even more afraid of what my chest looks like.

My poor chest looks like a war zone with thick, angry purple lines going from where my nipples uses to be to the edge of my now flat natural breast.   On the side of each breast, there are two drains (thin, clear tubing) that come out of my skin and empty into what look like little clear, plastic grenades.  There are four collection vials, or grenades, in total that need to be emptied three times a day.  The grenades have a loop of plastic at the top and are attached with a safety pin to an ace bandage wrapped around my chest.

The first part of breast reconstruction is having expanders put in under the pectoral muscles.  Expanders are used to gradually stretch out the skin so that it can accommodate an implant.  When I first heard that I was a candidate for immediate reconstruction, I thought, "Wow, I can be back to at least looking normal right away."  That's not exactly how it works.  Over the next 4-6 months, I'll go into the plastic surgeon to have the expanders filled gradually until I reach my desired size (we're going for parity with pre-mastectomy chest). Once the desired size is reached, they'll add a little more to the expander and then I'll wait for a few months (maybe to let stuff settle?) before replacing the expander with an implant.  In all, it's about a 10-month process.

For the record, expanders do not look like a natural breast and they are uncomfortable.

I stopped taking percocet today because it's doing a number on my digestive tract.  My poor belly is so bloated it looks like I'm pregnant.

I would love some lunch time visitors to help keep my dauber up.   Or coffee... I'm always up for coffee:-).  Let me know what works.

Love,
Me
 

Recovery Day 3

My dauber (read a couple posts back for definition) is at a 4 out of 5. I'm filled with gratitude for everyone who is on this journey with me. I'll most likely be heading home today. I will miss the kind and attentive nurses here at St. John's. But, I'll take Tom and Lark as my nurses any day!

Tom brought Lark and Alice to see me last night. Lark's so sweet and in tune with what's needed. She can't wait to wash my hair for me:). Alice had the biggest smile on her face the entire time she was here. I put a pillow over my chest to protect it and she just laid there beaming with happiness

The Big Reveal
Yesterday the plastic surgeon, Dr. K, removed the ace bandage around my chest to check everything out. I didn't find it horrible or even sad. Rather it's a permanent reminder to love life and to be present. I'm sure there will be days where I'll be bummed about it, but for now I'm just grateful for life.

Other Visitors
In addition to Lark and Alice visiting me, my sister, Kristy, came with her husband, Brad, and my nieces, Maxine (7) and June (3), and nephew, Hyde (5). They were all so darn cute and asked some great questions about breast cancer. Just before they left, Hyde asked if he could see my chest. He's such an inquisitive little guy! I told him that maybe someday I'll show him what it looks like. He also insisted that I needed a balloon:). Thanks for visiting me!

My mom, dad and aunt Charlotte were also here. Thank you! It was so nice to catch up with Charlotte.

My mom's here with coffee, so I'm signing off.

With gratitude,
Lisa

Cancer Free! Yay

Our prayers have been answered. The cancer had not spread from the breast. Yay!

Last night was rough. I cried until I felt empty inside. You know that dull ache you get in your heart when it feels like it's broken. That's how I felt. It was good to let some of that grief be washed away.

Today was, in a word, beautiful. Tom, my dad and mom and sister, Kristy we're here to support us. The surgeons and nurses couldn't have been more supportive. The lovely ladies in the St. John's mammography center were shocked and saddened to see me on the surgery list. They were so loving and reassuring that it brought tears to my eyes. My two surgeons, Dr Ogren, who preformed that mastectomy, and Dr. K, plastic surgeon, we're also wonderfully supportive, patient and kind. They took the time needed to answer our questions and just checkin to see how we were doing. The nursing staff caring for me this evening are beautiful souls as well.

Who says angels don't walk among us?

In addition to having mom, dad, Kristy and Tom here, my Larky Lou paid me a visit and helped me walk the halls. I love you, Lark! I love you, too, Moss Alice!

Okay, nodding off e every couple words is making this hard to finish! I'm going finish this quickly...the surgery went off without a hitch. They feel confident they got all of the cancer. I'm pretty darn sore.

I'm beaming love, light and joy to all from my hospital room . Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

A note to my awesome husband, Tom Pinney: You, my love, are one of the most courageous and compassionate people I know. I'm so excited for our many adventures in life.

Please forgive typos - they're Percocet induced!

Love,
Lisa

Ready for Tomorrow

It was a great day today that started with cuddling with Lark and Alice in bed.  After the girls were on their way for the day, Tom and I had a little alone time running errands, grabbing lunch and then indulging in massages.  All that's left is to eat a good dinner, pack (lightly) and get a good night's sleep.  We're ready for tomorrow!    

Throughout all of this, we've had plenty to laugh about.  For example, Miss Alice, who just turned three, shared the following with us yesterday, "I was thinking in my head that you have a tiny toilet in your breast.  And some people.  And a fish."  She said it very earnestly and repeated it throughout the day.  We had a hard time containing our laughter. Good thing were getting that stuff out! 

I'll leave you with a few photos and a video.  Tom will post an update in the next couple of days.  Thanks for all of your love and support.  We are blessed. 

Me and Tom at lunch today

Lark and Alice enjoying the fire and Super Bowl

And a moment of Zen...

Long time, no post.

Here we are in January of 2013.  Yes, we let our little blog languish on the vine, but we're back to resuscitate it.  I wish the impetus for doing so was a wee bit more cheerful, but it is what it is.And it's a great way to keep people up-to-date on what's happening with our family during this cancer journey.  I promise there will be more pictures instead of so many words!

Surgery Update: February 6th at St. John's Hospital in Maplewood
As many of you already know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this month.  I have two types of cancer: a DCIS and a invasive ductal cancer.  The first is one that's contained in the duct, the latter started in the duct and has spread to the surrounding tissue.  The cancer is estrogen receptive, which means estrogen fuels it's growth, so I will be doing hormone therapy post surgery.  We also know it's a grade II.  Cancer's are graded on a scale of 1 to 3 with 1 being slow growing and 3 being fast growing.  This tumor is somewhere in the middle.  We'll find out the stage of the cancer (i.e., how far it's spread) when I go in for surgery next week, though staging isn't nearly as important anymore as it once was.  It's really more about the pathology of the tumor that impacts the outcomes.  The surgeon, Dr. Ogren, and radiologist both feel confident that it hasn't spread beyond the breast as this.  We're keeping our fingers crossed that it hasn't.

Since we last communicated with folks via email, we've decided to do a double mastectomy.  I found out after our initial meeting with the surgeon that my odds of getting breast cancer in the healthy breast are in the 20% range.  I'm 38 and have many years to live.  We don't want to go through this again!!!  We've also opted to do immediate reconstruction, which is a misnomer as it takes up to year to rebuild.  More on that process later as it's fascinating.

I will be in the hospital at least one night, maybe more.  After that, I'll be at home and will need to minimize my movements.  I've heard that I won't even be able to brush my own teeth.  Crazy.  I'm going to connect in with some folks who've been through this to get more details.

3.5 on the Dauber Scale
The Wisconsin Lynch's came up with a brilliant 5-pt scale to quickly communicate how your feeling - 1 being awful and 5 being stupendous. Tom and I are both at about a 3.5 on Dauber Scale.  We feel optimistic about our prognosis and are viewing this as a bump in our journey.

I think my mother in-law's - Sue - description of the Dauber Scale that she sent me a few weeks ago is awesome.  It also gives you an insight into what an upbeat and funny lady she is (you are, Sue!):

"Hey Lisa! I've got this idea....First off, I looked up the word Dauber, now that's it's out in the Lynch family lexicon. Wendy and I were a little nervous about the actual definition. didn't want funny looks shot our way after using the word...Well, it means Spirits. Phew.  So, if you don't mind, during your future "adventure", let's use Dauber as our code word for how you are feeling- physically and emotionally. As in, hey, Lisa, how's your dauber today? We'll use a scale of 1-5, 5 being Tops! You can also use + and - if you wish. This dauber scale could save a whole lot of jig-jagging and poly-razmatazzing about your well-being. If you think this is the dumbest thing you've ever heard, just say the word. I promise it will not affect MY dauber. Love, Sue"

So how's your Dauber today?

Halloween

Getting ready for some pumpkin carving.
Lark is braving the slimy pumpkin innards. She carved much of her own pumpkin this year and was very proud of the result.

Tom:-).

Tom working on his masterpiece in secret.

Left to right: My ghost, Lark's jack 'o lantern, Alice's baby pumpkin and Tom's haunted house.

Marianne and Patrick stopped by to say hi. Marianne's helping with Lark's eyeshadow for her gypsy costume. Eyeshadow, and makeup in general, is not my forte.

Close up of Larky Lou.

Lark the gypsy with Alice the lobster on her first Halloween!

My last minute costume. Lark asked me earier in the day what I was going to be and was sad when I told her I wasn't going to be anything. She said she LOVES it when I dress up. Who knew?

We made our annual pilgrimage to St. Paul to trick or treat with the Johnson's. Meredith and I held down the fort with Alice while Matt, Tom, Lark, Jack (left) and Cole (right) went around the neighborhood. A good time was had by all.

Meredith loving up Alice and feeding her some foodles.

Vintage Lark

Lark's tour of the Aldrich house on October 19, 2008. I love the little kid view of everything!