A Note From the Plane to Mexico

Crack o' dawn.

I was a little nervous about going through airport security with my expanders as they have metal in them. I told the agent who was checking our boarding passes and passports. Here's how the conversation went (these conversations went all the way to 11 and not in a good way):

Me: I have an implantable device that may set off the metal detector. This is my first time going through airport security since I got it. Anything special I need to do?

TSA agent: Is it like a metal hip or something?

Me: Umm... no.

TSA: A pacemaker?

Me: No. It's a tissue expander.

TSA: Oh, you can just go through the body scanner.

Me: I'd rather not. I'll just take my chances see what happens when I go through the metal detector. [That's right. The Gen X in me makes me inherently leary of, well, pretty much everything. Especially things that see through your insides. That can't be good for you. While we were waiting in the security line, Lark asked if they were safe. Tom told here they were except for the one in a thousand people they vaporize for population control.]

Of course I still feel the need to make sure they know that I might set off the metal detector, so I tell the guys ushering people through the metal detectors that I have an implantable device that may set off the metal detector.

TSA Agent 1: Oh, like a pace maker?

Me: No.

TSA Agent 2: Like a knee? [I shake my head.] Just go through the body scanner.

Me: Ummm...I'd rather not. I'll just try the metal detector and see what happens.

I walk through and nothing. Phew. No full cavity body search for me.

Tom suggested that I should have just told them I have a bionic vagina.

Next time.

Now we're in flight and there's yet another person who thinks they're so special that they can let their kid play games on the iPad with the volume on 11 (and not in a good way). That or they're just clueless. Either way I'm secretly wishing that they'd be the one in a thousand.

Late breaking news: I just told the guy that his kid's device is interfering with my bionic vagina. Problem solved.