New Beginnings | New Oncologist | Mexico...ahhh

Lark holding a bird egg we found on the ground on Cape Cod in 2008.

New Beginnings

Alice and I went sledding yesterday on the first day of spring.  It was a gorgeous, glittery snow day with clear, deep blue skies. We took Dublin with us so she could chase us down the hill, barking the whole way, trying to slow us down.  Really, I can't think of a better way to spend a snow day. 

When I was diagnosed with cancer this winter, I thought I was going to miss the rest of the sledding season.  I'm glad I got at least one more in and that I was able to pull Alice around without any twinges of pain.  Wow - just six weeks post-surgery.  It's amazing what our bodies are capable of.  I truly believe all of the prayers, good thoughts and deeds directed our way helped me heal quickly and kept my dauber up, which also aids in healing the body, mind and spirit.  

Alice refusing to leave Jesus.

It's also no accident that this chapter of my healing is happening at this time of renewal and new life- Spring and Easter.  It's also no accident that Alice has an deep and sincere interest in Easter story. She and I went to the Minneapolis Institute of Art the other week and were looking at statues.  We got to a room with a collection of ecclesiastic art, including a crucifix.  Alice wanted to know the story of the cross and the man on it.  When I wanted to push on to look at other things, she insisted that we stay in the room.  It was really interesting.  When we got home, she wanted to read about, "Jesus on the cross in the Bible Book."  That was two weeks ago.  Since then, she found a book at the library about Easter story.  Everyday she asks to hear about Jesus and asks crazy-good questions like, "Why did Pontious Pilate not like Jesus?" and "Why did he have to die?"   

We haven't been going to church much at all since Alice was born (read: five times tops), so it's striking to me that she appears to have an innate faith.  Lark came to the realization recently that if she had been born into another family that she might be a different religion.  True, true. She further pontificated that there must not be one, true religion.  Very true as well.  It's going to be interesting to watch our girls go through their exploration of faith and see where they land. 

Speaking of Easter, I highly recommend going to Good Friday Mass, sometimes also called the Veneration of the Cross.  In a church I used to go to, they would put a huge cross on the floor and everyone would take turns going up to the cross and placing their hand on it along with offering up their prayers.  It's a powerful ceremony that's brought me to full on tears (if you can't cry at church, where can you cry). It's mind blowing and virtually unfathomable that someone died so that we could be saved.  It's a great opportunity to leave give over whatever is weighing on you to a higher power. 

Back to me because this is my blog after all.  Alice's interest in Jesus and Lark's growing faith is stirring my interest in exploring the history.  I love learning about religions - all faiths - and how they shape our world. I've always wanted to take more theology classes to go deeper into the history.  Maybe now's the time.

Here's to being able to start anew each and everyday and pursue whatever ignites your passions.  

New Oncologist

Tom and I went to the new oncologist on Tuesday and the difference between this oncologist and the first one we say was night and day.  It started with a kind receptionist who welcomed me to the office and introduced the other receptionists.  The nurses were equally kind and responsive.  Dr. Bower's reviewed my history with us with the stated objective of not only educating us, but also arming us with proper information so that we can educate others - I love that.  She also said that she wants us to live our lives and not worry about cancer.  She told us to imagine that there's a cancer box up on her shelf that she takes down when we arrive.  All of our questions, fears, etc. go into the box.  And if we have questions that arise in between visits, we can always call her, but we don't need to open the box on our own.  Finally, she said that she wants us to start to view cancer and something that's happened, not something that defines me.  I'm already there. 

This woman speaks my language!

What does this mean for my ongoing care?  My Oncotype DX test results came back (the test that determines if someone would benefit from chemotherapy) and I'm in the clear!  No chemo for me.  I'm truly relieved that chemo is not part of this journey.  So what is?  Here's a quick summary: 

• First, let's pause and remember that I'm cancer free.  Hooray!  Having breast cancer makes one more susceptible to getting cancer again.  Breast cancer likes to go to lungs and bones, so I will go on preventative therapy and monitoring.  
• The preventative therapy is the hormone therapy I've mentioned in the past - Tamoxifin.  I'll take that for 10-yrs.  Dr. Bower's did a wonderful job of explaining how it works and what the potential side effects will be.  She also assured me that she has a "bag of tricks" to deal with the side effects.
• She will monitor my blood, bones and lungs on an ongoing basis to make sure we catch cancer early if it makes an appearance elsewhere.  I'll have blood work done quarterly and bone scans and chest x-rays yearly yearly.  
• I'll also do some genetic testing and counseling to see if there's any genetic markers that "pop," making me a candidate for some other treatments.  
• And finally, I'll continue with my reconstruction, which is going great!  Honestly, if you look at me in clothes, you'd have no idea that anything's happened. My 7-year old niece, Maxine, stated the other day during prayers that she's, "grateful that Sasa [her name for me] is growing new breasts."  Me too, Maxine.  Me too!!!

Mexico...ahhh

We planned a spring break trip to Mexico before all of this rigmarole happened.  We were on the fence if we should spend the money given my sudden lack of income.  I also wanted to make sure I felt good and was able to swim.  What a bummer it would be to be at the ocean and not be able to jump in.  I'm feeling great and with the adage in mind that you can't take it [money] with you, we're going!  For those who've been asking, we leave next Thursday, March 28th for 8 days.  (Note to robbers:  Someone will be at our house taking care of our ferocious dog. And we have an alarm system on our house.  And you will go to hell if you rob someone who's recovering from Cancer.  And I will hunt you down...this is getting weird.)

We'll be just outside of Cancun at an all-inclusive resort that we stayed at last year. I have my new bikinis all lined up and am ignoring the fact that while I was sitting on the floor this morning in my bra that Alice asked, "What are those things on your tummy?"  They happened to be some, ahem, loose/fat on my tummy.  Damn your 3-year old lack of filters and honesty!   (Repeating in my head: Inner peace. Inner peace.  Inner peace. Inner F-ing peace.  Pina coladas will make me look better on the beach.  FREE Pina coladas. Free Pina coladas delivered to me on the beach.)  Better. 

From last year's trip:

Lark and Alice's favorite drinks: Mango Tangos.

Mama and Lark.

Ahh...cabana life.

Cuddling in a cabana.

More cabana time.

Family happy hour in the pool after a day at the beach.