Celebrating One Year Cancer Free

One of my favorite photos from my post-mastectomy recovery.   Lark was so sweet and  helped me walk down the hallway.  Alice just buried her face in the pillow on my chest and was overjoyed to just lay there with me.  Of course, Tom was there the entire time making sure everything was taken care of. 

What a difference a year makes!  It's hard to believe that a year ago I was in the hospital recovering from my bilateral mastectomy to remove an invasive ductal carcinoma tumor.  Fortunately, it had not spread beyond my breast tissue.  I was also spared going through chemo thanks to my Oncotype DX test results.  The rest of the year was spent rebuilding my breasts and adjusting to my cancer prevention regime of hormone therapy (i.e., Tamoxifen).

I'm still heading to the Oncologist every three months.  I have blood panel done each time to see if there are any changes.  Once a year I have a bone scan and chest X-ray to detect if cancer has returned.  The first couple visits were a little freaky, but they don't bother me at all anymore. In fact, I love my oncologist and learning about cancer.  As many of you know, I'm a biology major and at one time wanted to go to med school, so all of this medical stuff is right up my alley.

Emotionally there have been some downs, but honestly, I think I'm feeling more joy now then I ever have in my life.  There's not a day that goes by where I don't feel overwhelming gratitude for the present and life.  It's been an incredible journey and I'm so very grateful for all of the love and support given to me, Tom and the girls.  Thank you!

Here's a look back in pictures:

January 2013: Seflie before I went into the needle biopsy that diagnosed the cancer.  

February 2013: That's what I looked like pre-mastecomy. 

February 2013: Tom and I having a pre-mastecomy overnight date to say goodbye to the body we knew and get ready for Lisa 2.0.

February 6, 2013: What a frown!  This was right before I went in for surgery.  Yes, I was scared.

February 2013: Post-surgery: No chest and lots of drains.  

End of February: Check out that look of determination.  I was getting ready for on of my first outings.  This was  a picture of me with drains before I put on my "holsters."

End of February: Triumph!  My holsters hid the drains nicely and helped me look normal!

December 2013: Bruises post fat grafting surgery.

January 2014: Bruises mostly gone.

There was A LOT of life happening in between these photos, too. BUT, I'm a little tired and bored with writing about myself.  Thanks again for sticking with me through this journey.  Here's to continued health and happiness! 

Post Op CheckIn

This bruise is a doozy!  My breasts look similar but those can only be seen on my pay-per-view site.

Yesterday I had the fat-grafiting procedure where Dr. K harvested fat from my abdomen and injected it into my breasts to help smooth out some lumps, bumps and ripples around the implants.  Wild, huh? As Tom and I drove to the surgery center, I started to worry that they'd take too much fat from my belly.  Pulp Fiction came to mind and the scene about the potbelly, which I never really got at the time, but as I've gotten older and rounded out a bit it takes on new meaning.  I like my little pot and let Dr. K know that. She assured me that she'd only take a little and that I wouldn't be left with 6-pack abs.  Phew! 

This is my 4th surgery in less that 10-months and I think I'm getting the hang of it, sadly enough.  Getting the fat removed is a bit of brutal procedure.  In my case, she tunneled under the skin through an small incision in my belly button, broke up the fat, harvested it by pulling it out with a needle and then tunneled under the skin of my breasts to deposit the fat.  

Crazy noodles.  

Today it's not anymore painful that having an big, ouchy bruise.   I'll probably be wearing sweatpants for the next week to keep the pressure off the bruise.  I only took 2 Percocets yesterday just because I could and wanted a little help sleeping.  No pain meds today.

Thanks for all of the well wishes and prayers.  It all helps!  

A Car Conversation

Lark to Tom (with a bit of an accusatory tone): You know Mom's had a sandwich in her car for a few weeks now.  It's frozen and thawed a bunch of times.

Me: I keep it there in case of emergencies, such as if we end up at the side of the road.  We can eat the sandwich first rather than resort immediately to cannibalism.

Lark: Argh!  Gross, Mom!

Me: Precisely.  That's why the sandwich is there - to avoid grossness.

Tom: [Silence.  Secretly removes said sandwich from the car when we get home.]

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Obstacles + More Surgery + Dad's Accident

Ah, winter.  You beautiful cold bitch you.

Yesterday I went sledding with Alice and our 5 year old neighbor and lover of life, Anat.  When we went down the hill, we had to be careful to avoid hitting one another (for the love of God, get out of the way, kids!) and the dog who would bark and chase us down the hill (a lovely trick I taught her when I was single and would go sledding with her - not such a great one now that there are kids involved.).  When Anat and I successfully made it to the bottom of the hill, avoiding both the dog and taking out Alice, I shouted, "Hooray!  We made it through all the obstacles."  Anat, not one of those little people who pretend they know things when they don't, asked, "What's an obstacle?"  to which I responded, "it's something that gets in the way."  We spent the rest of our sledding time joyfully avoiding the obstacles and using the word correctly.    

All that obstacle defining and avoiding got me thinking about the obstacles we as humans create for ourselves, both physical and emotional.  Really, the majority of it is bullshit we make up in our heads.  Okay, my obstacles are bullshit that I create and really aren't meant to get in the way.  They're there to teach.   

For example, this whole cancer thing that came up this year.  Obstacle?  Not really.  It was a wake up call to truly live life.  While I was meditating on this awhile back, I heard a voice say, "You've been given a life sentence.  What are you going to do with it?"  

It was a thrilling and terrifying message to receive all at one time.  I mean, who doesn't want to live, right?  But holy shit, that's a lot of pressure.  So, I've remained a little bit paralyzed by it and am still processing.  It's become an obstacle rather than a doorway to something new.  I'd love help with working through this and welcome any thoughts (or prayers) any of you beautiful people may have. 

More Surgery on Thursday

Fear not, there are no obstacles here.  Just trying to get the aesthetics right on my new implants.  As I've mentioned in past post, I have very little breast tissue.  It's about as thin as the skin on my forehead which makes the implant ripple a bit in places.  For this day surgery, I will have fat grafted from my belly to be placed under my breast tissue to help improve the appearance.  All in all, they're looking pretty darn good, even in a swim suit.  More importantly, I can comfortably lift things and have no residual pain, as some women experience when they go through this type of procedure.   

I'll let you know how everything goes.  

Dad's Accident

I got the call we all dread last night, the one where it's an EMT telling you that someone you love has been in accident.  In this case, it was my dad.  His car slid off the road and hit a tree head on.  The car was totaled, but my dad was not. While he's incredibly bruised and sore, he's doing very well.  Thanks to my little sister, Kristy, for heading over the hospital to be with him and drive him home last night.  

Looks like someone else got a life sentence.  I'm grateful for that:-).  

Love,

Lisa

WTF

Exclusive content found no where else in the entire universe. 

Me to Tom: Hey, will you take a picture of me in my AWESOME fox tights?  I have to post this for the world to behold.

[Lark enters the room]

Me: Lark, will you take a picture with me in my fox tights?  [Underlying motive: to not be alone in my fox photo - make it a little more casual.]

Lark:  No thank you. I'll pass. What are you taking the picture for?

Tom: She's going to post it to Facebook for self-validation based on the number of likes she gets. 

Me: [losing a bit of my foxy mojo]. Come on - let's just take the picture!  

[I assume a camera-ready pose. Tom snaps the picture.  We look at the result.] 

Tom: Whoa, your head and neck look like a Pez dispenser!  Bad angle! 

Me: Argh!  Let's do another one. 

The result:

Yup, check out those tights.  On the curve of woodland-critter-apparel adoption, I'm an off-the-charts early adopter. Case in point, my all-time favorite squirrel sweater dates back to, date I say, 2001. Yup, I was intarsia-ing it way before my time. 

Oh, wait. Could it be true? It couldn't be. Did I hold onto that sweater long enough for it to come back in style?  Am I just riding the wave of the latest fashion trend, not actually creating it?  Darn it! 

WTF.  What the Fox. 

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Happy Thanksgiving, Friends!  Gobble, gobble!  Love, Lisa

The Interview & Lost in My Mind

The Interview

I had an interview the other day with a recruiter for a full-time position that peaked my interest.  I haven't had a formal interview in years and I was looking forward to learning more about the company and position, which I certainly did.  Here are some of the highlights: 

1. In summarizing where I thought I would be in 5-years, he said, "Is it safe to say that you don't really know?"   I had to stifle a laugh.  I replied, "Well, I think about it a little differently.  While I don't know exactly where my career will take me, I know I'll be doing something I enjoy."  
2. He also mentioned that they were looking for a woman between the ages of 30-35 (because the company is "man heavy") , but that I was a good candidate so he didn't think my age would be a problem.  He said this with a straight face.    
3. Finally, he said that he had a friend that lived in my neighborhood and that, "Is it safe to say that you live well below your means?"  Water flying out of my mouth all over the place (not really, but it would if I could).  My response: Just staring at him and letting the weight of his words really sink in.  Still staring.

Let me translate the above for you:

The company is looking for a young, smart female that they can underpay.    

All in all, it makes for a good story and a great example of what NOT to say during an interview (or in life in general).  I think the guy had good intentions, but wow, his execution was ever-so-flawed.

Lost in My Mind

I love how music can sum up a mood so well.  I recently asked for some music suggestions on Facebook and got a bunch of great ones.  "Lost in My Mind" by The Head and The Heart (thanks for the suggestion, Caroline) is the song of the day.  Yup, I'm lost in my mind yet again, thinking about what's next in life.  I've been a little weepy lately and have been feeling that super, heavy feeling of sadness in my chest.  Not all the time; just when I stop long enough to let my emotions catch up with me.  Anyhow, I found out that I'm not the only one who's feeling unsettled and teary, so maybe it's just this time of year as we transition from lightness into the dark, quiet womb of winter.  It is such a good time for reflection.    

  

 

Here I am in San Francisco Again

This time it's for work, not a Phish concert. But let's not talk work, let's talk breasts.  

I had my exchange surgery in August, where they removed the expanders and placed my "permanent" implants.  It was a day surgery, so Tom and I were home by 11:30am.  It was nothing like the mastectomy.  I was back to my normal physical self within 5 days.  Emotionally it took me a little longer to regain equilibrium.  I, like many women, placed a lot of importance on doing exchange surgery and sort of held it up as the end of reconstruction.  It's disappointing to learn that for most women, including myself, there are more surgeries needed to make everything look right.  

I ended up with Gummi Bear implants which are anatomically tear-drop shaped and are semi-solid, so if you cut into one, it won't leak everywhere.  When you get a mastectomy, they remove all of the tissue so you're left with skin that's as thin as your forehead.  So, unlike recreational implants that have some tissue to buffer them, mine do not, which leads to some rippling under the skin.  My next surgery will involve fat grafting to fill in those ripples.

All in all, it really hasn't impacted my overall happiness.  I'm grateful I'm cancer-free.  Let's keep it that way!  I also don't have any pain associated with my implants as many women do.  I'm adjusting to the Tamoxifen (hot flashes aren't that bad). 

And I look normal in clothes.

And I can hug people and I don't have those hard tennis balls on my chest anymore.

And Alice thinks one of my scars looks like a smiley face.  She thinks the other one, which is a straight line, looks "serious." 

Here's to life and sending prayers to the people who really need them in the Philippines and other disaster-stricken areas.  May they find shelter, food and a place to rest their heads.  

Love,

Lisa